


Thinking of You

by ArtisticBard (Kosho)



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: I'm Bad At Tagging, Past Lavellan/Solas (Dragon Age), What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:13:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25417504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kosho/pseuds/ArtisticBard
Summary: A thing I’m late posting and badly wish I had rewritten. Instead, I may just do a whole fic for this sometime ;3;
Kudos: 2
Collections: The Hanged Man First Anniversary





	Thinking of You

**Author's Note:**

> A thing I’m late posting and badly wish I had rewritten. Instead, I may just do a whole fic for this sometime ;3;

It had been ages since he’d experienced a range of emotions and thought about one person in such a short time as the young dalish mage currently swearing under her breath at the sheer stack of reports set in front of her. 

His first thoughts when he saw her, unconscious and barely clinging to life was that she was frail. A moment only of regret that his actions may well doom the world, and cost such a girl her life. If she lived, he thought he might teach, guide as best he could, as he had tried to do before. 

That changed the first time they spoke, when he grabbed her hand and stretched it towards the rift. Her hand was soft, untouched by the wildly untamed magic that she had carelessly thrown by hand over the staff at her back. Perhaps more controlled and intentional than he assumed, but that wild streak was something else. She was fiery in spirit and, after a few moments to breath, attractive enough, but not his concern, not a problem he’d let himself have. 

Then, irritation, burning from the first time she disregarded his attempt to teach her. Shoulders sagging, warm voice clipped and harsh. Not anger, but perhaps disinterest. His thoughts had painted her stubborn, unconcerned and sharp. 

Then, again he reconsidered when she patiently, kindly helped the villagers at the crossroads. Spoke to children with interest, aided any who asked, hunted for them so they could eat. Human, elf, it was all the same to her. Fascinating, if perhaps a tale of misjudgment, the Herald of Andraste, not truly, but he could almost Will himself to believe, if not for knowing. 

Solas couldn’t bring himself to admit the fault was his. Not at all unwilling you speak at length over a crackling campfire, excitedly offering her thoughts and ideas, her hopes and dreams. No, he had thought her stubborn, exhausted ended up being the reality. Too much asked at once, at a time when she couldn’t possibly keep up. 

If not for the fighting, it would have been refreshing to walk at her side, to enjoy the surroundings, but the burdens he had caused to drape her small shoulders had made that all impossible. Haven has fallen, and he’d again been forced to accept their only hope,  _ his _ only hope might have died, a fact that he was mildly surprised to discover had troubled him far more than it should have. He couldn’t afford to think any more of her than that. 

Solas thought too much again at Haven, a shadow of a dream given form. A chance to walk at her side, alone, one he had never had before. He watched her discomfort, the way she cradled her arm as though it hurt, saw her eyes wander from building to building, thinking of the lives lost, of those she couldn’t save. To see it all intact, so quickly after it had fallen, after the first introduction to what could best be thought of as a rival, an archenemy perhaps. Part of him regretted the choice, but another thought it could help, offer some closure, to help fade the pained look she wore these days. 

Refreshing when she offered a genuine smile, a laugh, not forced as it had been of late, not a look pasted on when one of her advisors entered a room, her body slumping just a touch, as if she’d finally managed to let go of her mask for a time, to indulge in the relief of shedding formality. There was no one she had to wear it for, not here, not now. 

He dared to inch a bit closer, to allow his hand to hover. Very nearly to touch her, but not quite. Appreciation, the feeling, appreciation for the girl who managed to change his opinion of her so many times, to impress him with the level of consciousness and thought she displayed. Nothing done without thought, nothing unwise or frivolously done. Nothing like he expected. He’d heard she was first to her clan. How fortunate for them, a beacon of light that might guide them as he had tried to help guide her. 

She paused by her dwelling. Not her home, she would never think that, but a familiar sight to her. Much of her time using it was spent unconscious, granted, but four walls she recognized. She passed the tavern, gesturing up towards the small hill. 

“Where you used to stand.” She said after a time. 

“Where you came to see me.” Solas added. 

She tucked her hands behind her back, ambling slowly by his side. He’d already mentioned much of what he intended to share, and yet...the time alone with her was refreshing in a way. Her hand reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear, head tilted to this side like she was deep in thought. 

“You change everything…” Solas had said. 

Her eyes darted up a moment, a half-smile drawing her lips up. He hadn’t thought much of the shy type, before or now, and yet he liked it at that moment. Thought seemed impossible, his mind blanking, drifting off into nothing for a time when she kissed him. Over far too soon, his heart beating again, just a bit,  _ alive  _ was the word. He could safely indulge just a moment, couldn’t he? He could remain composed and detached for just a little longer…

Solas kissed her again, the first time he’d consciously wanted to get this close to her, to do exactly the wrong thing, right up until he felt like he was hanging over an abyss. At risk of falling.  _ Too much, but somehow not enough. _ He pulled away, but his hands stayed at her shoulders, as though completely moving away was too much to consider. 

“We shouldn’t…” he told her. 

He watched her look around, at last realizing where they were. Despite the disappointment that crossed her face, her eyes burned holes into him, whatever feeling was behind it was there, a terrible idea. 

Solas sat up in his chair, frowning a little. He had been so careful to maintain a distance appropriate to the situation, and yet, he had felt himself slip over. This would be the first time he didn’t mean to destroy someone’s heart…

**Author's Note:**

> For Foxxx on the dragon age discord ;3: <3


End file.
